A focus on the edge

I've decided I wanted to start writing my blogs on here instead of MySpace. Why? I couldn't really tell you. Maybe it seems more legit. Maybe one day I'll delete my MySpace and I would like to have these writings to look back on.

It's a beautiful day out. After being stuffed inside buildings all Winter it's nice to be able to open the window and smell some cold earthy air. 

There is something this kind of weather does to me. It makes me want to clean, it makes me want to organize. It makes me want to go and do things and become a better person. It rejuvenates me and reminds me to live.

I'm listening to Kris's music, his ambient stuff. There is an interesting juxtaposition in it. It's happy and bright and then there are these denser tones that bring out some kind of  deepness that makes you think about things and where you are. Most of his songs  have this quality and it''s amazing because it has so many levels. It makes me think of my past and lures me into thinking about my future.  

Sometimes I get really stressed thinking about things to come. It seems a little different this time. I'm super anxious about it, in a good way. For a little over four years it's been the same kind of speed. Lots of school. Lots of work. Lots of no time to myself. I guess I've always kind of been like that. Stuffing as much into my life as possible. In high school when I didn't have a job or homework, I had clubs, volunteering, performing, etc.  I think it must be a personality thing. I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life if I'm not doing everything.  Good motto and everything, but it takes its toll; because; while I'm doing everything I'm missing a lot of things that I want and need to be doing for myself and those I love. Catch 22, huh?

I can't guarantee that these qualities are going to change in me. What if this is innately in me, to always be saying I could do more? Never being content with what already is. It needs some work. Maybe I need to say I have the time for that. 

After I graduate I'm going to make sure that things are different. Or at least have a hell of a time trying to take in what's in front of me, because at that time it's going to be someone amazing and I'm not going to let time with him diminish into thin air as I crowd myself with unimportant tasks and endless hours at work or school. I'm going to let what matters seep in and elevate me.